How to get out of your own damn way • Dare to Grow

Mindset + Confidence

How to get out of your own damn way

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I don’t care how many things you’ve ticked off of the online business owner checklist, everyone needs to get out of their own way at some point.

I don’t care how long you’ve been in business, how big your audience is, or how many things you’ve ticked off of the online business owner checklist. Everyone needs to get out of their own way at some point.

Whether it’s ignoring the zit that’s popped up in the middle of your face on the day you NEED to record a bunch of videos.

Or staying up just ONE MORE hour to do just ONE MORE thing even though you’re freaking exhausted from hustling for weeks (months…years!) in a row.

Or putting off really figuring out how to make that big, scary, AWESOME idea happen because you just can’t decide whether it will FOR SURE work or not.

Been there, done that (an annoying number of times), and this week on the pod we’re talking about my process for getting out of your own damn way!

Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is *

Gretchen Ruben’s The Four Tendencies quiz

The Four Tendencies book *

Dare to Grow – I’ll totally help you get out of your own way ;)

* affiliate links

Too long, didn’t listen…

Welcome to episode 101. Today we’re talking about getting out of your own way. When you get down to the root of any business building problem, we are often the answer. We’re avoiding something, overthinking something, guessing instead of getting the data. 

I don’t care how long you’ve been in business, how big your audience or your email list is, how many things you’ve ticked off of the online business owner checklist. Everyone needs to get out of their own way at some point.

If you’ve been listening to the podcast or hanging out with me on Instagram you know I love a process or a system for figuring this stuff out. Just hoping that you will get over it or feel confident or not have these problems as your business grows isn’t realistic. It’s important to figure out how to get out of your own way or have a system for figuring it out before you have more on your plate.

Make a plan

This is something that I do strategically. Every month I’m planning for content and projects and promotions, but I also use making a plan to help myself feel better if I’m getting stressed out. Sometimes I just need to write down everything that could possibly help me accomplish my goal. 

If I need to be more strategic, what are the next 10 steps you need to focus on? Then you put them in order of priority and put them into your calendar (give yourself extra space just in case).

Often when I’m talking to Dare to Grow members or my one-on-one clients they are very in their heads. They keep the plan in their heads, they keep the next steps in their heads, they keep all of their life stuff in their heads and so it becomes very overwhelming very quickly. Getting out of your head onto paper so you can make a plan and prioritize is really gonna go a long way to destress your work.

Speak it out loud

I have a big project that I’ve been working on behind the scenes. I waited months to even speak the words out loud because I knew if I did tell someone then it would start to become real. They might start asking how it’s going. Or I might want to tell other people. Then I’d really have to do the thing even though I’m already mostly planning to do it. I’d say from mid-2021 to this month, so 9 months, I thought about it and did not tell anyone. Even though I was scheming and planning and daydreaming the whole time. Two weeks ago I randomly mentioned it during a Dare to Grow call. Then I mentioned it in our Facebook group. Then I told my team and one other person.

I was just looking for one person to go “Ooooh YES! I love that!” which they did. 

I’m going to announce it in a few weeks, so keep an eye out for that, but telling someone else – literally anyone – can start to light that fire and help you get moving.

Tell a family member or a friend. You could tell a coworker. You could tell your neighbor. Tell one of your favorite clients – that’s a reaction you want to consider for the validity of your idea. But, family and friends – just knowing that they know – can still help get you going. 

Use your imagination

Often we slow ourselves down out of fear, so it’s time to take yourself to therapy through journaling. (Also, real therapy is awesome too.)

Let’s work through what is holding you back.

What could go wrong? Grab a notebook and I want you to let your imagination run wild. Start thinking through the process and every time you feel your stomach flip, or a pit in your stomach, or however your body reacts to something negative, write that thing down. Then keep going through the process. Writing down all the stuff that makes you worry or think it might not work. All the questions you have. Big stuff and the small, little stuff too. 

For example: Right now I’m stalling on approving my new podcast image which will go live in two days because I can’t decide if I want the little stars or not. A decision that will not make one bit of difference, but I just can’t decide. So, write down the little, silly, trivial stuff too because even that can slow you down.

There are two ways I’ve learned to work through negative feelings:

Number one is fear setting – this comes from Tim Ferriss and it’s the opposite of goal setting. This is all about walking down the path of all of the bad things happening and asking yourself three questions: How would you avoid it? How would you get through it? And how would you recover from it? 

You launch that course and no one signs up – how could you avoid that? Make a list. How would you get through it? (in the moment – it’s happening, what do you do?) Make a list. Then how would you recover? Zero enrollments…now what. Make a list.

You will end up with a full action plan for every step of the way. You might realize that 1. It wouldn’t be so bad if shit went wrong 2. Most of that stuff probably won’t happen 3. If it does you can figure out pretty much anything.

The other technique I’ve learned is The Work from Byron Katie. You can read the full process in her book called “loving what is” but essentially you’re getting deep into some logic by asking yourself a series of questions. When a negative thought comes in you can say – Is that thought really true? How do I react when I believe that it’s true? How would I react without that thought?”

I might believe that no one would hire me for $1000/hour. I can’t get out of my own way and raise my dang prices. 

Can I absolutely know that is true? – no, there are billions of people in this world. At least one of them would spend $1000 for what I know or what I can do. 

How do I react when I believe that no one would hire me at those prices? I keep my prices low, I only reach out to a certain type of people who I think could afford my current rates.

How would I react without that thought that no one would pay that much? Probably be more free with how I sell my stuff and how I talk about the benefits.

You don’t even have to believe someone would pay you $1000, you have to imagine what you would do without that thought.

Sometimes our imaginations get away from us and we dream up 1 million scenarios that are very unlikely to happen, but when you sit down and list them out realistically most of them won’t happen, or if they do they won’t be that bad.

Get support

You do not need to do it all alone. You don’t need to figure out the steps alone, you don’t need to make all the decisions alone, and you don’t need to hold yourself accountable alone. 

If you find yourself getting stuck on indecision and making a choice takes you two weeks or two months or two years instead of two hours – no judgment. Sometimes that happens. If you find yourself getting stuck making decisions, having someone to bounce ideas off of, or just ask the question to, that’s a better option that can help a ton and keep you taking action and moving a little more quickly. 

I find probably every coaching call someone asks should I do this or should I do that and I can tell the answer not because I am some genius with tons of experience but because I’m looking at their face. I can always tell which option they’re more excited about.

Trust your gut and if that is hard get someone to help you. I will personally support you inside D2G. The members aren’t just there for training videos. They’re also there so at 9 PM on Wednesday when they’re having a panic they’re able to post in the Facebook group and I or someone else (yes everybody is really friendly and supportive) will jump in and help you work through it. Just having that backup is so helpful knowing that you have people going through the same things, people have done the same things before, and you can just check in with them and get a little support to keep moving. 

Business friends are awesome because we go through some weird stuff as we’re growing and learning. You could also find a friend who’s working on their own project – they may not completely understand what you’re trying to do, but you can check-in and keep each other moving.

Now, the scariest option but the best way to light a fire under your ass.

Make an announcement

This is a big action incentive for me because I don’t like letting people down. Sticking to my word is something I value. I value people knowing that they can rely on me and that I’m trustworthy. Making an announcement of a launch or a new offer is a sure-fire way to make sure that I stay on top of shit and hit that deadline. 

To figure out if this tactic will help you go through Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies. There’s a quiz you can take and there’s also a book that will walk you through everything. The four tendencies will tell you how you respond to expectations and whether you are kind of a self-starter or if you need outside accountability to take action. 

  • Upholders want to know what should be done.
  • Questioners want justifications.
  • Obligers need accountability.
  • Rebels want freedom to do it their own way. 

I am both an obliger and an upholder which means sometimes I do things just because I know they need to get done and I can hold myself accountable and sometimes I do things because I don’t want to let someone else down. 

Knowing that allows me to put checkpoints in my plan where I’m gonna tell people about what I’m doing or what I’m planning because just knowing that my audience or my members know, even if they forget my announcement two minutes later, still keeps me on task.

So, if you’re wanting to create a free workshop or start a podcast, or go live on Instagram TELL YOUR PEOPLE! 

Going live was a big one for me. I’d schedule it in my personal calendar, but if I didn’t announce it to my audience I would sometimes change my mind the day of or move it to the next day. If I really want to be 100 percent sure I go live, I’ll post an announcement and just that will hold me accountable.

Reminder – you’re allowed to take things one step at a time, there’s no timeline that you have to follow.

All you have to do is keep moving. Sometimes we (me included) get stuck because we’re looking at the project as a giant thing to overcome. Like I said earlier – I’m working on a big project that will take about 2 months to complete and if I think about all of that at once I get overwhelmed and nervous and start to worry.

Really I just need to take the next step. Doing the next ONE thing isn’t scary.

If you’re building a house you still need to make the blueprint and pick paint colors, and flooring and even the best contractor or builder will still go step by step. They aren’t going to deal with the paint until the rest of the house is planned and probably well underway. 

Next time you feel yourself getting in your own way I want you to remember you don’t need to pick the paint before you have a plan. Which means you don’t need to worry about the whole thing all at once.

Alright, I hope you’re feeling more confident and learned some new tools to get yourself going again.

As always I love to hear what things work for you so head over to Instagram and let’s chat! You can find me

Thank you for hanging out with me today and I’ll talk to you next week!

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